Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Mommy Confession - Things I Never Expected to Say in Motherhood

When your pregnant and your talking to other mommies who have been there, done that, they always tell you things like, "just wait till you find yourself saying the craziest things" and telling your three year old to wash his butt is just the beginning. Here are some of the things I've said since becoming a mother.
  • Be careful with your penis. God only hands out one per boy. You're gonna want it later.
  • Why is the fridge handle sticky?!?! And with what?
  • G-d I hope that's only pee.
  • For the love of all that is holy, LEAVE ME ALONE! I just want to pee!
  • Do you want a chocolate? Yes? Then go get a diaper. [The Husband looks at me] What? So I'm bribing him. Shut up.
  • What have I said? You can play with your penis in your room or the bathroom. That's it.
  • You can play Star Wars Lego for 10 minutes. [10 minutes goes by and I've not even started laundry because I'm still on Pinterest]. Okay! Bonus round! 10 more minutes!
  • Just blow it off, there's not that many germs on it.
  • Is this a new question? No? Then I can't hear you.
  • Fine. Eat on the couch but don't drip any syrup on it. It was a bitch to get out last time.
  • Well if it hurts stop picking your nose.
  • Don't lick the dog. I know he licked you first but I don't care.
  • I don't wanna see your butt. And I don't want it that close to my face either.
  • Did you just fart on my hand? Serouisly?
I can't wait to find out what things I will say in the future as he gets older.

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