Monday, March 7, 2011

"Don't take this the wrong way but..."

This post is different from my normal ones.... but I have to get this out... for me...

I've never come out and said it in plain words but A. has a developmental delay with his speech and is believed to have a sensory processing disorder. Though official confirmation on the SPD will come when he sees the occupational therapist later this month. My hesistance to post about isn't from shame, it's from pain.

Pain that is compounded by people's "helpful" insights into his speech delay. And they all start the same way. They all start with, "Don't take this the wrong way but you know why he doesn't talk, right?" followed by some gold nugget of information. The problem of course is, when you start your sentance with "don't take this the wrong way", I do. You already know I will, that's why you started it like you did. And honestly, if you are going to start your sentance that way, I have a tip...  close your mouth and don't finish that thought. Because unless you have the following qualifications:
  • You are a well educated child development professional with years of experience.
  • You have a degree in education specializing in special needs.
  • You have a child with the same delay.
Shut the hell up. Because you have no room to tell me why my child has a delay and I'm sick of fake smiling at people about it. It would be like me telling two of my friends why their sons have Autisim. I have no idea why. I'm not qualified to even guess why and sure as hell have no right to tell them what my thoughts are on the cause.

Call it bitterness, call it anger, call it whatever you want. But it comes from pain. We as a family are in pain. And the idea that I haven't spent hours, days, trying to figure out why he has a 17 month delay in verbal speech and where his SPD issues come from, is just another smack in my face. When A. can't communicate to me what he needs it is a daily reminder of the fact that I feel like a failure both as a mother and as a child development professional . Your insight doesn't help specially when your reasons for his delay place blame on me. I talk too much. I don't let him talk for himself. I don't make him work for anything. He's spoiled. He's a momma's boy.

And the fact that it's coming from family and friends makes it that much worse. I could of course always tell them how they make me feel... but then I'm suppose to pretend to be strong and upbeat and positive about his progress, about the special education he now qualifies for. I'm his mother. I'm suppose to put this in a positive light. I'm suppose to be humble and remember other mother's would kill for just a speech delay and SPD. That things could always be worse. I should count my blessings and thank G-d for even having a child.

At least he's adorable and makes me laugh.


sanctimomious said...

I'm sorry that you are going through this right now. A is gorgeous and you are a BRILLIANT mama!!

Sarah Ray said...

stephanie, luckily he has the number one tool that will help his progress: a supportive mother who is willing to do anything to help her son. just keep on loving him the way that you already do.

Stephanie said...

Thanks to you both :)

I was just having a low day. Most days I'm fine, just once in a while I get upset. We as a family will get through this :)